One Week Survivor

I am now officially a breast cancer survivor of one week. I asked Dr. Gray when you become a survivor instead of patient. He said that most people have surgery first and then chemo. They start counting after they finish chemo. Since I did that in reverse I get to start counting on the date of my surgery, July 2nd. So next year when the rest of the country is getting ready to celebrate the 4th of July, Independence Day, I get to celebrate my own Independence Day, freedom from cancer. I know I still need to do radiation but basically my cancer is considered to be gone. I am a survivor!

Life is getting back to normal. Other than being numb and sore I basically feel like I did before surgery. I still don't get as much done as I did before I found out I had cancer but things are continuing to improve. I was able to go run errands with my kids on Tuesday and Wednesday. My hair is starting to grow back. It is now long enough to see some color. It is mostly dark brown but unfortunately the gray is also back. It is still very thin on top so hopefully that will come back fuller soon. I am down to one eyelash on my right eyelid. The left eyelid has about a dozen lashes left. The bottom eyelashes on both eyes are so short they are hard to see at all. The good news is that there are tiny lashes starting to come in. My eyebrows are pretty thin now but they are also starting to grow back in. My fingernails are a mess but at least they didn't fall off. The twitching of my eyes has for the most part stopped. The best news is that water is starting to taste good again. Boy am I glad because I am sick of soda pop and G2 Gatorade.

I need to thank David's work for the beautiful flowers they sent me after my surgery. I also wanted to show everyone the fun statue that my friend Heather gave me. It has this funny lady in a bathrobe, bunny slippers and boxing gloves. Her robe says "Girls just want to KICK BUTT!" and has the pink ribbon on her gloves and on the dog's dress and water bottle behind her. She is also standing inside a boxing ring with fuzzy pink ropes around it. Thank you to everyone who has given me pins, books, angels, etc. It is hard for me to mention everything but please know that everything is appreciated.

I mentioned in a blog before surgery that I was having a hard time holding it together when people called to talk. What I was trying to say is that my emotions were so close to the surface at that time that just mentioning my cancer would cause me to cry because I was so nervous about surgery. I don't want anyone to feel bad for calling me before surgery or avoid calling now. It was a temporary situation that is over now. I know that I should probably be more emotional or upset about what is happening to me. For the most part other than feeling scared before a new procedure I have felt mostly calm about what is going on. Many people ask the question "Why me?" I just haven't felt that. There hasn't been the anger that some people feel. In a way I think I subconsciously knew about the cancer for a long time and only actually found out about it medically after I was ready to handle it. I also think that having young kids has helped me hold it together better. They are very good at picking up on my emotions which in turn ends up magnifying their emotions. When they see me afraid they tend to assume that things are a lot worse than they actually are. This is hard enough on them without making it worse. Also when I cry my nose and head automatically plug up. After the emotions are released I end up with a stuffy nose and a headache. I think that is another reason why I try to hold it together.